just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
