Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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