she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize