I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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