This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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