I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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