she woke up with a sticky ear
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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