Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
