i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
