dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
they need to just BURY HIM!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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