oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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