I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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