boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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