plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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