oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i think my cat just said my name.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
