a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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