I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
