My first STD was from a foam party
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
