I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
