so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think i got beer on your cat.
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