every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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