Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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