I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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