Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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