how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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