Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
