I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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