she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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