At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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