her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
