Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
