Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize