well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
