i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
