Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
