the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
