It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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