she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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