Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
