So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
