Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to have your abortion
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
