please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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