Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
