She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
