i dedicated my morning wood to you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
