Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize