im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
