Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
