So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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