i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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