If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize