In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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