did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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