drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We left an ass print on the piano.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
