We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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