Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need moral support for this bender
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
