Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
