Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
