I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
