bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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