I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
