Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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