So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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