its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
