That's intense
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
