I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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