stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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