did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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