mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
