Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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