dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
