he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
