Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
