she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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