Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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