You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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