your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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